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DRESSAGE Unscrambled


    By way of explanation in the picture above, the Number 3 DRESSAGE Unscrambled car seems to have made a wrong turn off the back straightaway at the Lowe's Charlotte Motor Speedway and finds itself parked illegally in Edward Hopper's "Early Sunday Morning."





Vending Machines


            I must have been traveling too often, staying in too many hotels....

You know how down by the ice machine next to the elevators they always have vending machines? The ones with a big Plexiglas window and a whole mess of snack items—Sun Chips and Fritos and Ring Dings and Lorna Doones—each stacked on copper spiral holders all in rows and columns? And you put your 75 or 85 cents in the slot, the machine blinks READY READY READY, and all you have to do is “Select.” Punch B-4 and grind grind fwoop, out the slot at the bottom comes your Snickers. E-6 and fwoop, here are the Cheetos. In other words, once you’ve made the preparation, the machine is equally, universally prepared to deliver you anything on its menu.

            It strikes me that it isn’t a bad idea to think of making your horse a bit like one of those vending machines. This is what I mean:

(Click here to continue reading Bill's article "Vending Machines.")

Trafalgar Square Press and their subsidiary

is the new place to find DRESSAGE Unscrambled.


Go to stories from the book read aloud by Bill


Here, an excerpt from the catalogue of the Kenilworth Press, the leading British publisher of instructional equestrian books, regarding DRESSAGE Unscrambled:

"A quirky. lighted hearted look at the world of dressage through the eyes of American dressage guru, Bill Woods.

"If you are looking for a serious dressage handbook, then this is definitely not  the book for you! What you do get is a sideways look at the world of dressage from an author who has spent four decades riding and teaching.  In a uniquely chaotic style and with over 100 entries, Bill Woods sets out to unscramble many of the myths and urban legends that have become set in stone and entertains readers along the way with his own takes and experiences.  This book is one of a kind and deserves a place on the bookshelf of every dressage enthusiast."


                   Pictured at right is Bill modeling his Guru suit which he found in the back of his closet, left over from 1967.
                   He remembers being taught by his mentors to constantly inquire, "Would you like that in a waffle or sugar cone?"



What a randomly-chosen selection of shoppers encountered in the Wal-Mart parking lot have said about Bill's book:

"If dressage were really this funny, more people would be doing it."


"I read this book till I fell asleep."


"An off-the-beaten path to finding the Real Dressage in you."


"Pithy! Thath all I can thay."


"Dressage images, analogies, and metaphors that will exercise your Right Brain right. And anecdotes to reassure riders who lack a Killer Game Face that YOU ARE NOT ALONE."


"Should come with an optional V Chip installed."


"Makes an excellent coaster. Buy four copies."


"Reads like 'Sally Swift Meets the Firesign Theater.'"


"The definitive diary of dressage improbabilities."


"I don't understand any of this."


"Stuff that needed to be said. I couldn't fail to disagree with him less."


"Put this book under that shorter table leg."


"Buying this book will help ameliorate Bill's condition."



An Elizabeth Waller interview
with Bill about the book
From the June 4 issue of Horse and Pony

Glitterati: E. Waller (at left)
and S. Woods


TWICE WITH YOUR INDEX FINGER HERE takes you to Elizabeth's opus.


Whenever two or three are gathered together,
Bill will read from Dressage Unscrambled


May 24       Wildwood Farm, Shreveport, LA

June 16       Horse Country D&CTA, Ocala, FL

June 27       Tyler, TX

July 12        Daytona Beach Equestrian Centre

July 24        Royal Carousel Friesians, Jordan, UT

July 27        Spokane, WA

August 8     Nottingham, NH

August 27   STRIDE, Ocala, FL

October 2   JC Saddlery, Odessa, FL, presented by Bay Area Dressage

Nov 7         Jordan, UT, book signing

Nov 13       The Equestrian Shop North, Ipswich, MA

Nov 14       Nottingham, NH, book signing

Dec 5         Tyler, TX, book signing

Dec 18       Winning Edge, Ocala, book signing


Feb 9         Tack Trunk, Spokane, WA, book signing

Feb 11       Bainbridge Island, WA, book signing

May 2        Benton, LA, reading

June 13      Willow Bend South, Cottondale, FL, book signing

August 11   Alpha Dressage Assn meeting, Sarasota, FL, signing/reading

Sept 2        Book club at Ocala, FL, hosts Bill to discuss DRESSAGE Unscrambled

Nov 6        Reading for ENYDCTA Awards banquet

Dec 3        Reading at the USDF Convention, Jacksonville, FL


Feb 6         Reading for South Winds Dressage Annual Banquet, Tallahassee, FL

May 14      Reading for the USDF Region 3 Adult Campers, Niceville, FL

May 28      Bill reads DRESSAGE Unscrambled at the National Sporting Library, Middleburg, VA

June 18      Reading at Willow Draw, Weatherford, TX

July 16       Reading at Chisago City, MN

Sept 15      Sale and signing at the Equine Institute and Trade Fair, Ocala, FL

Oct 15       Signing at the Region 3 Championships, Ocala, FL
March 30   Reading at Sunborn Stables, Chisago City, MN
April 14     Reading at Equus Manor, Centerton, AR
May 12       Reading at Ridge Stables, Webster, MN
June 17      Reading at Benton, LA, for Tri State Dressage
Aug 12       Reading for the FHTA awards banquet, Ocala Hilton
Oct 21       Reading for Volte Equestrian Center, Princeton, MN


For real!
DRESSAGE Unscrambled turns up in far away places:


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